


Inherent flaw

by Viviena



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Betrayal, Depression, Dragon Sickness, Guilt, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sleep Deprivation, Stockholm Syndrome, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3602340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viviena/pseuds/Viviena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a thing more powerful than Dragon sickness. Love for gold can be fought with a true love for a person and Thorin truly loves Bilbo. There is a problem, though, because Bilbo doesn't love him back. But he can really try to pretend for the sake of saving him from the curse. It doesn't go well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inherent flaw

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, still not native English speaker, so sorry for all the mistakes. Also I'm not sure if I even going to finish this story? It sounds boring even to me, just one long angsty piece of drama cake. 
> 
> There won't be any real rape or non-con, but it can be perceived as very dubconish therefore triggering. I will warn you again if I get there, I guess. 
> 
> Yeah, stole the dialog from the movie, way to start.

“Dragon sickness.” Balin said, defeated. Tears were trickling down his checks and disappeared in his long white beard but he made no move to wipe them. Bilbo hesitantly came closer. He never saw this wise and collected dwarf in such a state. “I have seen it before. That look, a terrible need. It is a fierce and jealous love, Bilbo. It sent his grandfather mad.” Balin gulped and shook his head. 

Bilbo’s heart ached to see his companion so miserable. But he had to admit, he was sick with worry for Thorin also. His condition was bad and it was getting worse. While all this time the Arkenstone was a weight Bilbo carried around both emotionally and literally. He was so scarred and unsure of what was right to do, but most of all he hated doing nothing at all; he was not certain he could carry this burden any further. But it seamed not fair to lay it on Balin’s shoulders either. He was so loyal and Thorin said so himself just now, if he were to find that one of the Company kept the stone from him… Bilbo shuddered. 

But he had to know. If there was a chance it can help, he could not ignore it. So he looked around nervously, as if Thorin himself stand hiding in the shadows, and leaned closer to Balin. He couldn’t help but feel relieved as he could finally lift at least a bit of his secret’s heaviness, and couldn’t help his rising hope. 

“Balin, if Thorin… If the Arkenstone… if it was found. Would it help?” Bilbo said slowly, giving Balin a meaningful look. Balin sat straighter. 

“That stone,” he started, “crowns all. It's the summit of this great wealth, bestowing power upon he who bears it. But stay his madness? No, lad. I fear it would make him worse. Perhaps it is best it remains lost.”

Bilbo was not sure if Balin caught the true meaning of his words. His heart sank and after a few minutes of the heavy silence he started pacing, throwing his arms in air with exasperation. 

“Is there really nothing we can do? Nothing at all?”

Balin looked up with a strange flicker in his eyes and Bilbo made a rushing step closer to him.

“Is there?” Balin looked at Bilbo as if assessing him and his frown deepened. 

“What is it? Is there something we can do?” Bilbo pleaded. 

“There might be,” Balin started cryptically “Tell me, lad. How do you feel about Thorin?”

Bilbo blinked dumfounded. 

“What do you mean? Thorin is a great dwarf, the leader of our Company. The King under the Mountain,” Bilbo finished with a hint of bitterness. 

“Well, he is all that, but is that all what you think of him? The stuff of songs and legends, ascendant of the royal line of Durin?”

“No, of course not. He is not just that. To me he is… he is my friend,” Bilbo said with some awe, because it has just occurred to him, that Thorin was in fact his friend, if he ever had one.  
“I respect and admire him greatly. This is exactly why I am so desperate to help!” 

Balin smiled at him gently but then his smile morphed into something sad and he looked up somberly.

“Are you romantically in love with him, Bilbo?” he asked. And Bilbo staggered back. 

“What? Of… of course not!” Bilbo felt the indignant heat rise up on his cheeks. “Not as if it was any of your business, if I was. Which, I am not. I-I-I care for him deeply, but I have never, I would never…”

“I thought so,” Baling sighed. Bilbo stopped his righteous rant and glared at the old dwarf. 

“If you though so indeed, why would you even ask such an unceremonious question in the first place? Did you really think I was?” 

“Oh, but I hoped.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You are right, laddie, it is not my place to meddle. But in our circumstances, there are more important things at stake, than frailty and privacy of someone’s heart. Even royal heart that is.” 

Bilbo blinked owlishly at him and Balin gave him another sad smile. 

“Thorin is in love with you, Bilbo.”

“Wait, what? I’m sure you are mistaken. There is no way in the world he can…”

“I’m certain of it and you can ask any member of the Company to confirm. I was rather convinced you were aware at least, even if you have chosen not to reciprocate. I can’t say he was exactly subtle about it.” 

Bilbo opened his mouth but found no words so he closed it again. Was Balin also affected with gold or other sickness that made him babble all this nonsense? He remembered the true purpose of their discussion then. 

“You have jumped to this foolish speculation, while we were talking about Thorin’s sickness, Balin!”

“I have not swayed from our topic as much as you may think. You see, Bilbo, King Thror fought his madness at first, for years he ruled Erebor wisely, upholding firm control over his own mind, his will was strong enough to keep the sickness at bay. He only succumbed to it after his dear wife’s death.”

“How did she die?” Bilbo asked distracted for a moment, he never heard about Thorin’s grandmother. 

“Rockfall in the mines, it was an accident. But the grieve have pushed Thror so deep into madness, that he was never the same, not even after Smaug.” 

Balin looked sadly at the distance and Bilbo paused, mesmerized by the ghosts of old dwarf’s memories. He had to shake his head to try and pick up the line of their conversation back together. 

“I still don’t understand. What does it have to do with that ridiculous heart business you want me to believe in?” 

“I have told you before, Bilbo. Dragon sickness is a fierce and jealous love. It is easy for a dwarf to fall into golden haze, as gold and jewels are close to our nature and its beauty strikes our hearts. But it cannot rival ones love for another.”

“But I’m sure you are wrong. Thorin can’t be...”

“But he so is.”

“Even so,” Bilbo frowned and started passing again, making small nervous gestures with his fingers. “Let’s just assume, purely theoretically, mind you, that you are right about, about Thorin. How does that change anything? If he truly does… you know… about me. Why did the dragon sickness claim him in the first place if you think that his heart was already taken with something more powerful?”

“Oh but it was not strong enough. You see, laddie, the feeling must be mutual. Desperately one-sided and with no hope to pursue it, love renders one wicker, than any malady or poison can.”

“Well I can’t will myself to love him, can I? I sincerely care and worry for Thorin but not in that sort of way. In fact, I don’t think I ever was in love, nor that I ever will be.” Bilbo shrugged almost apologetically. 

For just a moment he could almost hear his overly romantic mother smiling voice telling him that he sure will get madly in love someday, for he was her son. But that prophecy never did came true and Bilbo figured he just had too much of a proper Baggins in him. Though it was a questionable statement now, after his almost-year-long most improper journey. 

“I shall not ask too much of you, dear Bilbo, after all you have already done. But perhaps, if you can just give him a bit of hope? A hint, that you are not indifferent altogether, for it is true, you said yourself you care for him.” Balin asked somewhat hesitantly. Bilbo chewed his lips a bit, debating internally. He frowned even more and exhaled heavily. 

“It is not right, Balin, to lie about this maters. It does not bode well.” 

“Sometimes, one needs to hide small but important details, for the greater good.” Balin said with a lot of weight and Bilbo’s hand involuntarily covered a patch on his coat, were in small inner pocket the ring was secured. With a flash of shame he realized, that Balin was more likely indicating, that he got the previous clue about his possession of the Arkenstone. 

Bilbo averted his eyes. He had more than one secret and any moral talk was nothing short of hypocritical coming from him. It still felt so wrong, though. Somehow, it felt much worse and traitorous than stilling the King’s jewel. 

“He craves it and he will not be rested, till he finds it.” Balin sighed again, defeated. And that heavy desperate exhale from the old dwarf, crumbled Bilbo’s reserve more, than any persuasion or threats ever could. 

He wished he could find the courage to ask, if Balin meant the Heart of the Mountain or his small hobbit’s one. But Bilbo did not dare, as the dreadful feeling of a huge mistake he was about to commit, overcame him with a marrow-deep chill.


End file.
